Thursday 12 April, 2007

I still don't have a TV set and the culprits are the stupid advertisers!!

(A long one, but should be a mouthful I hope)
A cocktail of cricket, acting, IT and management...
---------------------------------------------
When I curse the advertisers for my not having a TV, I am not talking abt any abhorrence of the umpteen commercial breaks which riddle my favorite TV shows. In fact, given the lack of originality in current Indian television,it makes these commercials very inviting.

They are like the "20-20s" of TV, short and packed with humor, action and originality. The "Tests" of Indian television, its the Saas-bahu sagas of course, which i am referring to, have quickly started losing clout and so have the "one-dayers", the so called sit-coms, which are dying for lack of differentiation! (my tribute to Philip Kotler :) )

So, I see commercials picking up big time with channels which would only air commercials, mebbe even have an "on demand" advertisements model!! So, u are missing your girl and ur cell phones discharged, the famous "Hutch" ad with the cute boy and puppy might help your emotions.

But before i deviate from the theme of this article to the uncanny possibilities which consumerism presents, let me get back to my original thought (some thoughts are original after all, unlike my previous post ;) )

So, here we go...

It was the run-up to the "cricket world cup 2007", an event, which thousands of "suited illusionists" were keenly awaiting. Ya i am talking abt the marketers and advertisers, the best in the breed, putting their sassy brains together, each one getting ready for his "pinch-hitter" role!

So, "the band of blue boys" are barraged with a host of photo-ops!

The budgets are blocked, the plans all laid out, our legendary stars put on their "acting gear" and take their stance in the adman's pitch and play the innings showing the "full face" (literally) with the flourish of a veteran (the veterans here refers to the Shahrukhs and Amitabhs and if even the thought of cricketing veterans like the Kapils and Gavaskars had crossed your mind, snap out, u are having a dream!!)

So, here a "lick" (Sachin's britannia ad), there a click!!


and the blue billion begins the cricketing anthem -

"Sehwag ki maa ko bulao,
Sachin ko Pepsi pilao,
Ganguly ko Chawanprash khilao,
Dhoni ke baalo mein Gel lagao,
Dravid ko castrol pilao
KAISE BHI INDIA KO JITAO!!"


And while the "blue billion" raises a billion hopes,

billions are paid out in contracts to our star "actors",
ofcourse the seniors like Sachin, Dravid and
the comeback star Ganguly would make the most of it.

In purely financial jargon, I have always felt that the ROI of actors above 40 is the greatest considering they get to act, dance and do more with 20 something - soon to lose their innocence - starlets and I can't help get the same feeling about our cricketing seniors.
Playing probably their last world cup, their ROI seems to be the best from this world cup before they retire as expert commentators.

Ok, so the bets are made and these advertising bets run into crores.

From what i read,the combined commercial contracts signed by the big 3 sum up to about 250 crores worth of ad spend.
So, why blame the bookies, the real bets are out there on TV!!!!

So the ad curators have watered the consumer's pitch,

now its time to sit back and watch the show.
But "show" it wasn't going to be!! Khel khatam, paisa hazzam!!
The odds went against our seasoned betters this time,
the movie was a super flop!!

And so the blame game begins! The coach is under fire, questions abt senior cricketers' attitudes are raised, selectors are taken to task and even the BCCI is blamed
but u forget the most obvious culprit, who I believe is responsible for this debacle...

Its the "The ever-so-ready-to-woo marketer"

and not bcos he turned our cricketers into actors!!

I believe it as natural evolution and u can't blame the GOD for it..
But rather I blame the marketer for his unprofessionalism,

for not putting in place the basic management system for this business of cricket.
Cricket is a business after all,
so run it like one!

Have a performance management system in place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dhoni scores a ton, confirm him a 10% payment of his contract money...

Bhajji takes a couple of match winning wickets, promise him a 15% of his contract money
Dravid leads India to the next stage of the world cup, offer him 30% of his contract money
Team India reaches the final, they deserve 80% of their fees..
They win the world cup, they get the entire contract money with a 50% bonus..
They can't get past the opening stage, kick their ass, give them a miserly 20% of their contract amount....
A very simplistic way of putting things but nevertheless conveys the idea.
I am talking about SLAs or "Service Level Agreements", a way of life in IT.
here speaks the IT engineer in me, nudging the manager in me aside)

Buddy, its the stupid advertisers to blame. I

ts the same stupid mistake a naive girl in love,
makes by losing her virginity to her lascivious boyfriend,
just to keep him happy and lets it happen again and again,
till she realises, he is never really gonna marry her.

Man, u let the dog have his bone even before he learnt to bark !!!

(don't blame me for this, this was inspired by Sidhu)

U were bound to be doomed! And doomed u were, the crores were promised before even the first ball was bowled, so why expect them to perform, performance or no performance, they got the money neways right!!

Mebbe u would argue that it would bring down the overall brand value of the cricketer who would loose out in the long run, but when u don't give the sting immediately, no one will pull up your strings, "baad ka baadmein dekhenge, abhi aish karte hain!!" sums up the attitude...

So, I had promised myself a biggie 54 inch HDTV if India reaches the last 8 in the world cup,


but the stupid advertisers goofed up!!

and I, in the game, lost my TV!!!

No comments: